Dino

Hey sorry to hear about you lose.

It really all depends on the type of funeral.

Most are Black suit, and tie. White shirt.

Some religious funeral I have been to wear colourful bright clothes, as morning death is a celebration them that you are with their heavenly father now.

If you want a cheap suit which you can use later on as a business or outing suit. Hit H&M up, I think its $59.95CND for Blazer, $35CND for matching pants, $15CND for tie, and white shirts range from $20-50CND. Go with easy iron ones, you don't have to dry clean them.

If you want a really really nice suit hit up Banana Republic. You can find a complete set for $300CND, and the quality is that of Italian designer suits with amazing inseam stitching.

If you want shoes Aldo for budget.
However spending $40 bucks more for Prada, Gucci, Steven Maddens..at Holt Renfrew outlet if you have one near you would be a smarter bet consider how long the shoes will last you.

Renihan_00

Wow man, that was a serious post! I should be ok as clothes go because I've got my usual work stuff I can wear, I just wasn't sure what was appropriate.

I appreciate the detail there though, post of the year!

Dino

Thanks the post wasn't that great just trying to be helpful.

Also bring flowers to put on the tomb to pay your respect many people forget to do this.

Renihan_00

*WARNING DEPRESSING SCENARIO*











I was going to but they don't want flowers because he had a kid on the way so they would rather donations for the trust. So I'm going to do that instead

If anyone knows what an appropriate amount is, that wouldn't hurt either! I'm not coming out of the ears with money but I'm sure they need it more than I do!

Dino

Well I went to an Italian funeral a few years ago, where it was a custom in their family to give money especially if the man of the house hold passed away.

It was 20% of your monthly salary.

At that time I was a student so I gave $200.

jeffb

Just stay away from this look.

Renihan_00

I could probably do that....Pretty hefty though. Not that I make a lot, that's the problem! haha

Dino

Yeah I totally understand. I think the key decision in me giving $200 was that I could go out and make that money back in a few weeks. For me it was more of a consciousness thing. I knew if I gave below $200 I would feel like a cheap ass and it would bother me mentally.

The main thing is giving an amount which you are proud and comfortable giving away.

If you don't have much money you can always offer to help with groceries in the future. Just simply buy them a box and bring it to the house hold.(Just make sure the family is comfortable with this)

Aar_Canada

Donations are always better than flowers. I've always felt flowers are to make the person giving the flowers, feel better.

Renihan_00

I would tend to agree on that.

Mr4thQuarter

Money????? Wow. That's just awful imo. Basicly a guy doesn't own up to his responsibility, for whatever reason, and everybody who happened to know him is paying up at his funeral, to help his unborn child through college? Might sound cruel but that's like subsidizing suicide..

Flowers are symbolic. They're supposed to make the final rest place of the beloved deceased just a little more pretty. Of course they're supposed to make the people there feel better and nobody else. Funerals are for those left behind, the dead don't care.

Renihan_00

Wouldn't it make more sense to give them money to support them when their breadwinner dies?

I think they deserve financial support, because they didn't choose for him to die but they suffer all the consequences for it.

INSIDER

i had a friend who commited suicide, and 2 of my friends refused to go to his funeral.
they just thought he didnt deserve their presence, since he really didnt care about his own life to begin with. i guess they were really just mad at him for going out that way.

i'm not one for these types of donations though... i like to give money to people who work for it (ie people who run marathons for a special cause, etc), not the people who just put out an open hand and expect you to give them something.
not to be an asshole, but lots of families need money when their breadwinner dies... what makes these people so special?

Mr4thQuarter

It's true they're not to blame. They probably can use some support, and I think it's great when people want to help them, but filled envelopes at a funeral is reall morbid imo.

If it's a ritual to the extent that people are even expected of this, then it is also a dangerous phenomenon imo. For unstable distressed breadwinners because of financial problems especially.. if they think their family is in better hands taken care of by the rest of the world then by themselves.

INSIDER

i too dislike this cash at funerals idea... because whats an ideal amount to give?
will it become like weddings where theres a certain amount you should give?
what if Jack gives 50, but fred gives 100? does that mean fred cared more about their friend?
what if Jill gives nothing? does that mean Jill is evil? or doesnt give a shit.
would the amount of money show your respect or lack of respect?
i just hate the fact that the girlfriend (or wife) and family will be thinking these types of things.... maybe not now, but a year from now.

Taz

I had a friend ... well, friends ... one was a former patient with cystic fibrosis (she passed away 3 years ago) and one was a friend with ALS (she passed away 2 years ago). I went to both funerals, obviously, but, in lieu of flowers, I donated money to the cystic fibrosis and ALS foundations in their names.

Maybe if your mate had a charity that he supported, you could donate the money to the charity?

Renihan_00

Well in this case, the guy was my friend. That is the only difference. Kind of the point of being friends with someone is that you are there for them when things are bad.

Kind of extends to his family in the case of death. To me that's the difference.

I'd be willing to offer money to any of my friend's significant others in this scenario regardless of how the death happened.

Yeah but I think it would make more sense not to leave a name on a donation anyways. I think it's kind of strange to do so. I won't be putting a name on mine.

Well the thing is, this guy was on track with everything, he was making GOOD money (probably almost double what I make). I don't know how much of that got saved away. Either way, the wife probably won't be working for a WHILE and could use a bit of cash to lie back on. So it's not like he did it because of financial difficulty.

NO ONE saw this coming. Nice guy, always friendly, successful at work and socially, never talked to anyone about having any problems. It seems that he was just a little messed up in the head, either all the time or at that time specifically.

INSIDER

wow... thats hard...
i wanted to ask, but didnt want to pry... i was going to ask if he showed any signs of problems.
that mustve made this even doubly worse for his family and friends. that just sucks, bad.

so you're not going to put your name on your donation? thats honorable man... but for me, it would bug the crap outta me thinking that the family would think i didnt give anything and hold it against me forever.

reminds me of my work buddy's wedding like 5 years ago.
i got there late (because my date was a pain in the ass), and i missed the recieving line... i saw my buddy in the lobby later and gave him my gift - card with cash - he thanked me, gave me a hug, and put the card in his pocket.
i quit that job a month later, and found out that all the guests got an amazing thank-you card and little picture frame in the mail about 3 months after the wedding, from the guy and his wife.
i didnt get shit.
it upset me because i gave him and his wife alot of money for their wedding gift, and they didnt even thank me. i didnt realize it until later that this douche just pocketed the cash and didnt tell his wife (i guess he didnt want to share that 'extra' cash since she didnt know about it).

it still bugs me to this day that his wife porobably thinks i am a cheap bastard who went to their wedding and didnt give a gift.

cloak

black pants, white shirt, black tie

done deal.

Snooch

Shirt slacks no tie.