The joke/riddle/pun thread

germain · 02-17-2009, 01:22 PM

ok i m no good at jokes but I like reading em

so... if you have any old favourites then just post them.

If its a riddle don't post the answer just yet. Us readers have to guess

here is one..... Q. why did the cereal hide in the cupboard.

**INSIDER** · 02-17-2009, 01:47 PM

i dunno? why?

Acie · 02-17-2009, 01:55 PM

A pirate walks into a bar with a big ship's wheel down his pants.

The bartender says, "Excuse me, sir, but do you know you have a ship's wheel down the front of your pants?"

And the pirate says...

"Aaargh, it's driving me nuts!"

gdaytday · 02-17-2009, 01:59 PM

Q: Why didn't the lifeguard save the drowning hippie?

A: He was too far out man.

**'trane** · 02-17-2009, 02:08 PM

what's the difference between mick jagger and a scotsman?

mick jagger says 'hey you get off my cloud'

a scotsman says "hey mccloud, get off my ewe!"

**fancylad** · 02-17-2009, 02:14 PM

hahahaha (to all of those)

What do Manchester United Fans and sperm have in common?

One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.

sorry hoops. I love you.

germain · 02-17-2009, 02:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by INSIDER

i dunno? why?

cuz a " cerial killer" was on the loose.

**fancylad** · 02-17-2009, 02:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by germain

cuz a " cerial killer" was on the loose.

ouch.

got any more?

germain · 02-17-2009, 02:17 PM

yo momma so fat she used a crop duster to apply perfume!

yo momma so fat the movie theatre hired her as the screen

LOL there stupid but funny

germain · 02-17-2009, 02:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by fancylad

ouch.

got any more?

I sense some sarcasm in your writing!!

I do but i have to think of them first?

germain · 02-17-2009, 02:30 PM

Daniel, my son, is exactly one fifth of my age. In 21 years time, I will be exactly twice his age. My wife is exactly seven times older than my daughter, Jessica. In 8 years time, my wife will be three times older then Jessica. How old are Daniel and Jessica now?

germain · 02-17-2009, 02:32 PM

Whats the differemce between George Bush and Steve Martin?

Steve Martin isn't going bald yet

germain · 02-17-2009, 02:41 PM

An airline captain was breaking in a new blonde stewardess. The route they were flying had a layover in another city. Upon their arrival, the captain showed the stewardess the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight.

The next morning, as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day's route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up wondering what happened. She answered the phone, crying, and said she couldn't get out of her room. "You can't get out of your room?" the captain asked, "Why not?"

The stewardess replied: "There are only three doors in here," she sobbed, "one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says 'Do Not Disturb'!"

**Belsius** · 02-17-2009, 02:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by germain

Daniel, my son, is exactly one fifth of my age. In 21 years time, I will be exactly twice his age. My wife is exactly seven times older than my daughter, Jessica. In 8 years time, my wife will be three times older then Jessica. How old are Daniel and Jessica now?

Jessica is 4 and Daniel is 7.

germain · 02-17-2009, 02:59 PM

not bad belsius

**fancylad** · 02-17-2009, 03:12 PM

knock knock.

**'trane** · 02-17-2009, 03:14 PM

i'll bite - who's there?

**fancylad** · 02-17-2009, 03:19 PM

**'trane** · 02-17-2009, 03:32 PM

the trade just got finalized and he's back already???????

jo who?

**Claudius** · 02-17-2009, 03:33 PM

02-17-2009, 01:22 PM	#1 (permalink)
germain in the lane Member Join Date: Dec 2008 Location: in a house Posts: 221 Representing:	The joke/riddle/pun thread ok i m no good at jokes but I like reading em so... if you have any old favourites then just post them. If its a riddle don't post the answer just yet. Us readers have to guess here is one..... Q. why did the cereal hide in the cupboard.

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02-17-2009, 01:47 PM	#2 (permalink)
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02-17-2009, 01:59 PM	#4 (permalink)
gdaytday Is The: Chairman of the Boards Join Date: Dec 2008 Posts: 1,618 Representing:	Q: Why didn't the lifeguard save the drowning hippie? A: He was too far out man.

02-17-2009, 02:08 PM	#5 (permalink)
'trane www.torontoraptorsforum.com giant steps Join Date: Dec 2007 Posts: 15,190 Representing:	what's the difference between mick jagger and a scotsman? mick jagger says 'hey you get off my cloud' a scotsman says "hey mccloud, get off my ewe!"

02-17-2009, 02:14 PM	#6 (permalink)
fancylad blah! nosce te ipsum Join Date: Dec 2007 Location: east side. Posts: 13,266 Representing:	hahahaha (to all of those) What do Manchester United Fans and sperm have in common? One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being. sorry hoops. I love you.

02-17-2009, 02:17 PM	#9 (permalink)
germain in the lane Member Join Date: Dec 2008 Location: in a house Posts: 221 Representing:	yo momma so fat she used a crop duster to apply perfume! yo momma so fat the movie theatre hired her as the screen LOL there stupid but funny

02-17-2009, 02:30 PM	#11 (permalink)
germain in the lane Member Join Date: Dec 2008 Location: in a house Posts: 221 Representing:	Daniel, my son, is exactly one fifth of my age. In 21 years time, I will be exactly twice his age. My wife is exactly seven times older than my daughter, Jessica. In 8 years time, my wife will be three times older then Jessica. How old are Daniel and Jessica now?

02-17-2009, 02:32 PM	#12 (permalink)
germain in the lane Member Join Date: Dec 2008 Location: in a house Posts: 221 Representing:	Whats the differemce between George Bush and Steve Martin? Steve Martin isn't going bald yet

02-17-2009, 02:41 PM	#13 (permalink)
germain in the lane Member Join Date: Dec 2008 Location: in a house Posts: 221 Representing:	An airline captain was breaking in a new blonde stewardess. The route they were flying had a layover in another city. Upon their arrival, the captain showed the stewardess the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight. The next morning, as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day's route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up wondering what happened. She answered the phone, crying, and said she couldn't get out of her room. "You can't get out of your room?" the captain asked, "Why not?" The stewardess replied: "There are only three doors in here," she sobbed, "one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says 'Do Not Disturb'!"

02-17-2009, 02:59 PM	#15 (permalink)
germain in the lane Member Join Date: Dec 2008 Location: in a house Posts: 221 Representing:	not bad belsius

02-17-2009, 03:33 PM	#20 (permalink)
Claudius contemplating The Killing Joke Join Date: Dec 2007 Location: Burkina Faso, Disputed Zone Posts: 9,075 Representing:	oops

02-17-2009, 03:12 PM	#16 (permalink)
fancylad blah! nosce te ipsum Join Date: Dec 2007 Location: east side. Posts: 13,266 Representing:	knock knock.

02-17-2009, 03:14 PM	#17 (permalink)
'trane www.torontoraptorsforum.com giant steps Join Date: Dec 2007 Posts: 15,190 Representing:	i'll bite - who's there?

02-17-2009, 03:19 PM	#18 (permalink)
fancylad blah! nosce te ipsum Join Date: Dec 2007 Location: east side. Posts: 13,266 Representing:	jo

02-17-2009, 03:32 PM	#19 (permalink)
'trane www.torontoraptorsforum.com giant steps Join Date: Dec 2007 Posts: 15,190 Representing:	the trade just got finalized and he's back already??????? jo who?