Feschuk: Imagining a gathering of losers
Old 11-02-2009, 08:56 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Post Feschuk: Imagining a gathering of losers

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On Sunday night Larry Tanenbaum, the minority owner of the cash machine that controls the Leafs and the Raptors, invited the illustrious hockey players and hoopsters over for dinner en masse.

For Tanenbaum, it was order-in jock-sniffing at his 14,833-square-foot shack in Forest Hill. For the rest of us, it was a jaw-dropping summit of squads on the skids. The Leafs, esteemed Moral Victors, have one win in 12 tries. The Raptors, coming off a 33-win embarrassment, have one win in three, the latest Sunday's 125-116 fall to the under-manned Orlando Magic.

So let's call Sunday night's historic shindig the Loss Supper. Heck, call it an early start to the U.N. climate change conference, because Tanenbaum, MLSE's chairman of the board of directors since 2003, is currently directing a sporting cold streak that might yet refreeze the polar ice cap. The Leafs haven't made the playoffs in going on five years. The Raptors haven't won a playoff series in going on eight.

You can imagine the dinner was a memorable exercise in sister-franchise synergy. But don't bother. This corner imagined it for you.

Cocktails at 6 p.m. ... and Jay Triano, the Raptors coach, astutely orders several. The surroundings are lavish. Tanenbaum's home has an elevator, a ballroom and a plaque demarking the door of the Tie Domi Bedroom, named for Tanenbaum's one-time man crush, er, a loyal and tireless former employee. But Triano is oblivious, lost in grim thought. He knows last season's problems look an awful lot like this season's problems, that the past two losses suggest the Raptors' defence and rebounding are as thin as Ron Wilson's skin.

Wilson, the Leafs coach, appears and slaps Triano on the back. "Hey, Jay, you think your guys are bad defensively? Last week the Prime Minister thought about declaring Luke Schenn a disaster area."

Triano: "You think your guys are bad defensively? The only way Jose Calderon is ever going to stop someone from getting to the hole is if he's reincarnated as an unrepaired ball mark on a golf green."
LINK - Toronto Star
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Old 11-02-2009, 09:50 AM   #2 (permalink)
is.....

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Triano: "You think your guys are bad defensively? The only way Jose Calderon is ever going to stop someone from getting to the hole is if he's reincarnated as an unrepaired ball mark on a golf green."

Hahahaha
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Old 11-02-2009, 09:58 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Feschuk was just lauding this team after the win last Wednesday.

I guess journalists can be Raptor fans too...
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Old 11-02-2009, 10:03 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Colangelo summons the wine steward and asks for a delicate and pricey Italian white. (The steward, in a bit of a huff, walks across the room and taps Andrea Bargnani on the shoulder: "Colangelo wants to speak with you.")
Even better.

Feschuk nailed 'em this time.
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Old 11-02-2009, 01:25 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by zachus View Post
Feschuk was just lauding this team after the win last Wednesday.

I guess journalists can be Raptor fans too...
yeah, it takes real courage to praise a winning team and kick a losing one
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Old 11-02-2009, 01:47 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Dave "the unibrow" Feschuk

Mannn..these writers. They all talk shit constantly, but I never hear/see them ask those tough questions when standing right in front of a player.
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Old 11-02-2009, 02:05 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by Pistol Pete View Post


Dave "the unibrow" Feschuk

Mannn..these writers. They all talk shit constantly, but I never hear/see them ask those tough questions when standing right in front of a player.
holly crap!
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