Alimony - Page 4
Old 08-13-2010, 01:15 PM   #61 (permalink)
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Those too!



You're right. Mothers, in most cases, do get custody. But I think joint custody is even more the norm.
Yeah, if you mean the dad gets weekends and pays out alimony and child custody and has to pick up those kids at the house he used to call home and then brings them to his uasually dinky apartment because it's all he can now afford....then yes joint custody is the norm. Divorce aften times a messy proposition and will anything to avoid all of it!
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Old 08-13-2010, 01:17 PM   #62 (permalink)
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No, no. Don't ask that. This will never end, and I'll have to fight ALL of you who are anti-marriage.
I'm not anti, I just don't know what the difference is between getting married and just being with someone, for a long time or common law or whatever.

Anti-marriage to me means anti-commitment. Y'know, people who don't want to settle with one person.

I guess I bring it up because I get a lot of people (usually older) who say, "When are you getting married?!" and I say, "Why?" and they can't answer me or they'll say, "To make your girlfriend happy!"
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Old 08-13-2010, 01:20 PM   #63 (permalink)
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If you really want to make your girlfriend happy, you should just leave her.
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Old 08-13-2010, 01:22 PM   #64 (permalink)
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If you really want to make your girlfriend happy, you should just leave her.
Har dee har.

I'll send her over to you = last laugh.
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Old 08-13-2010, 01:23 PM   #65 (permalink)
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I'm not anti, I just don't know what the difference is between getting married and just being with someone, for a long time or common law or whatever.

Anti-marriage to me means anti-commitment. Y'know, people who don't want to settle with one person.

I guess I bring it up because I get a lot of people (usually older) who say, "When are you getting married?!" and I say, "Why?" and they can't answer me or they'll say, "To make your girlfriend happy!"
Yes, I get that. And it's stupid that most people just expect everyone else to get married eventually.

You're practically married. Common law, with a cute little boy, house, etc, etc. You don't want to actually be "married". That's cool.

But some people do. I dunno. I like the idea of it... being a wife, having a husband, a little ceremony, the knowledge that by law I have someone who is my partner. And, in true girly-ness, I like the idea of "forever", even if it rarely exists anymore.

To each his own, of course. I've been common law, I just think a marriage is a step beyond. Further committment when it's the right person.

Or some crap like that. What do I know?
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Old 08-13-2010, 01:23 PM   #66 (permalink)
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I'm not anti-marriage; if someone else wants to get married, that's their prerogative. I don't think it makes any sense, but it is something they can do entirely at their discretion.

What I'm against is the presumption that marriage (or commitment, or monoamory) is the sole pathway to happiness. Mind you, it does seem that future generations are more in line with my thinking, but there's always that culture war raging on.
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Old 08-13-2010, 01:28 PM   #67 (permalink)
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Yes, I get that. And it's stupid that most people just expect everyone else to get married eventually.

You're practically married. Common law, with a cute little boy, house, etc, etc. You don't want to actually be "married". That's cool.

But some people do. I dunno. I like the idea of it... being a wife, having a husband, a little ceremony, the knowledge that by law I have someone who is my partner. And, in true girly-ness, I like the idea of "forever", even if it rarely exists anymore.

To each his own, of course. I've been common law, I just think a marriage is a step beyond. Further committment when it's the right person.

Or some crap like that. What do I know?
See, I don't think it's a step beyond. And if it feels like it is, that'd wear off pretty quick. I don't know. I think some people view marriage as something you do after you've been playing the field and sort of trying out a bunch of different people. "Now I've found THE ONE and now we will be married!" which I guess I understand within that context. THAT'S a step beyond. But if you're committed in your relationship(s) before, I don't see the difference. It's like it's not what it used to mean, which begs the question, what does it mean? What does it mean in this day and age?
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Old 08-13-2010, 01:30 PM   #68 (permalink)
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Har dee har.

I'll send her over to you = last laugh.
Sure man, I'm sure she's already dreamed about it at some point.

I'll send SCB over to you, but I wouldn't feel right subjecting you to that kind of torture.
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Old 08-13-2010, 01:36 PM   #69 (permalink)
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See, I don't think it's a step beyond. And if it feels like it is, that'd wear off pretty quick. I don't know. I think some people view marriage as something you do after you've been playing the field and sort of trying out a bunch of different people. "Now I've found THE ONE and now we will be married!" which I guess I understand within that context. THAT'S a step beyond. But if you're committed in your relationship(s) before, I don't see the difference. It's like it's not what it used to mean, which begs the question, what does it mean? What does it mean in this day and age?
Exactly. Marriage is a symbolic recognition of the actual commitment; it is not the commitment itself.
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Old 08-13-2010, 01:38 PM   #70 (permalink)
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See, I don't think it's a step beyond. And if it feels like it is, that'd wear off pretty quick. I don't know. I think some people view marriage as something you do after you've been playing the field and sort of trying out a bunch of different people. "Now I've found THE ONE and now we will be married!" which I guess I understand within that context. THAT'S a step beyond. But if you're committed in your relationship(s) before, I don't see the difference. It's like it's not what it used to mean, which begs the question, what does it mean? What does it mean in this day and age?
I think it means different things to different people. It's all relative, really.

Which is why it's a subject that can't exactly be debated. Everyone has a different opinion, everyone wants what they want. Just like people who never WANT to be in a relationship. We can ask "don't you want/need love?" til we're blue in the face, but it doesn't change how they feel.

I'll never apologize or feel stupid for wanting to be married one day. It's just something I want (it also doesn't mean I ever will; it may not work out that way). I don't think I could explain it properly if I tried.

So, come on people now... smile on your brother, everybody get together, try to love one another right now.

'n junk.

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Old 08-13-2010, 01:38 PM   #71 (permalink)
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I'm not anti-marriage; if someone else wants to get married, that's their prerogative. I don't think it makes any sense, but it is something they can do entirely at their discretion.

What I'm against is the presumption that marriage (or commitment, or monoamory) is the sole pathway to happiness. Mind you, it does seem that future generations are more in line with my thinking, but there's always that culture war raging on.
This
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Old 08-13-2010, 01:40 PM   #72 (permalink)
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I'm not anti-marriage; if someone else wants to get married, that's their prerogative. I don't think it makes any sense, but it is something they can do entirely at their discretion.

What I'm against is the presumption that marriage (or commitment, or monoamory) is the sole pathway to happiness. Mind you, it does seem that future generations are more in line with my thinking, but there's always that culture war raging on.
I'm not saying it's the pathway to happiness at all.

But if marriage DOES make those people happy, then good!

Like I said, to each his own.
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Old 08-13-2010, 01:40 PM   #73 (permalink)
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I think it means different things to different people. It's all relative, really.

Which is why it's a subject that can't exactly be debated. Everyone has a different opinion, everyone wants what they want. Just like people who never WANT to be in a relationship. We can ask "don't you want/need love?" til we're blue in the face, but it doesn't change how they feel.

I'll never apologize or feel stupid for wanting to be married one day. It's just something I want (it also doesn't mean I ever will; it may not work out that way). I don't think I could explain it properly if I tried.

So, come on people now... smile on your brother, everybody get together, try to love one another right now.

'n junk.

No need to apologize and it's not stupid, 'Uda.
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Old 08-13-2010, 01:42 PM   #74 (permalink)
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I'm not saying it's the pathway to happiness at all.

But if marriage DOES make those people happy, then good!

Like I said, to each his own.
Or her own. Come on now, don't forget the broads.
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Old 08-13-2010, 01:43 PM   #75 (permalink)
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I'm not saying it's the pathway to happiness at all.
I know that you are not.

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But if marriage DOES make those people happy, then good!

Like I said, to each his own.
And we absolutely agree on that.

Last edited by Ligeia; 08-13-2010 at 01:45 PM.
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Old 08-13-2010, 01:47 PM   #76 (permalink)
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What I'm against is the presumption that marriage (or commitment, or monoamory) is the sole pathway to happiness.
Yes. I completely agree with this.

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I'll never apologize or feel stupid for wanting to be married one day. It's just something I want (it also doesn't mean I ever will; it may not work out that way). I don't think I could explain it properly if I tried.
I also completely agree with this. I know I always wanted a good career, but I also wanted to get married and have kids. The career options will likely have to be looked at again once our kid is born, but this is what I (both of us, really) have wanted and we pretty content.
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Old 08-13-2010, 01:48 PM   #77 (permalink)
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i think marriage for a lot is fulfilling a childhood dream. i don't care to get married, but i don't want to stand in the way of my girlfriends dream ever since she can remember. for me it's a step towards compromise, which is what is most important in successful relationships.
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Old 08-13-2010, 01:48 PM   #78 (permalink)
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What about the people who are going along all fine, get married for whatever reason, and then having that whole marriage thing hanging over their head...it wrecks the relationship. It happens. People who have been together for years get married and then in a year, they're finished. "I shouldn't have gotten married". I've met people like this.
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Old 08-13-2010, 01:51 PM   #79 (permalink)
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What about the people who are going along all fine, get married for whatever reason, and then having that whole marriage thing hanging over their head...it wrecks the relationship. It happens. People who have been together for years get married and then in a year, they're finished. "I shouldn't have gotten married". I've met people like this.
Well, some people also stupidly think that marriage can save a relationship. That's why a lot of people take the plunge, and it blows up in their faces most of the time.

If you have a good relationship, you're happy, they're happy, and you want to get married... then the actual marriage shouldn't change it.
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Old 08-13-2010, 01:58 PM   #80 (permalink)
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What about the people who are going along all fine, get married for whatever reason, and then having that whole marriage thing hanging over their head...it wrecks the relationship. It happens. People who have been together for years get married and then in a year, they're finished. "I shouldn't have gotten married". I've met people like this.
Yeah. Sadly, so have I. All boils down to getting married for the right reasons ... because you want to, and not because other people want you to, or it's the thing to do or whatever.
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