Alimony - Page 11
Old 08-18-2010, 07:34 PM   #201 (permalink)
LX
synapse jelly

In the Paint


 
LX's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Toronto
Posts: 28,744
Representing:
Default

I was definitely married before I was actually married.
LX is online now   Boss Key Wife Key Reply With Quote
Old 08-23-2010, 04:34 PM   #202 (permalink)
"Fake All-Star"

Senior Member
 
TORaptor4Ever's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 16,432
Representing:
Default

I don't have a problem with the institution of marriage at all.

What I DO question is the wisdom of spending 25K on a big "party" when you could use that cash for a down payment for a home... or to take a joint trip around the world.

Some people get a little insane trying to plan out the "perfect day".... my buddy's ex-fiance wanted to spend 7K on a wedding photographer!

Before this thread turned into a pissing match there were some pretty good points made.... the best of which was the suggestion that everyone should just try to be patient enough to make SURE that they find a person who's right for them.... rather than simply finding someone so that they're "not alone".

Too many people bow to societal pressure and get themselves into situations that aren't really right for them.... IMO anyway.
TORaptor4Ever is offline   Boss Key Wife Key Reply With Quote
Old 08-23-2010, 04:47 PM   #203 (permalink)
the fighter of the Nightman

Ch-Ch-Ch-Ch-Cherry Bomb
 
Barracuda's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Toronto
Posts: 7,962
Representing:
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by TORaptor4Ever View Post
I don't have a problem with the institution of marriage at all.

What I DO question is the wisdom of spending 25K on a big "party" when you could use that cash for a down payment for a home... or to take a joint trip around the world.

Some people get a little insane trying to plan out the "perfect day".... my buddy's ex-fiance wanted to spend 7K on a wedding photographer!

Before this thread turned into a pissing match there were some pretty good points made.... the best of which was the suggestion that everyone should just try to be patient enough to make SURE that they find a person who's right for them.... rather than simply finding someone so that they're "not alone".

Too many people bow to societal pressure and get themselves into situations that aren't really right for them.... IMO anyway.
Too true, and too often.

It's also sometimes hard to know whether a person is right for you or not, cuz all relationships take work. It's a matter of knowing how much work is TOO much, and if it's worth it.

And yeah... insanely expensive weddings make no sense to me. Especially for couples who aren't rich, and just blow their money for a one-day thing.
Barracuda is offline   Boss Key Wife Key Reply With Quote
Old 08-23-2010, 05:06 PM   #204 (permalink)
the gat'll killya quicker, when I'm drunk off the liquor

The Mara sisters are hot!
 
Bill Haverchuck's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2009
Posts: 10,274
Representing:
Default

25K for a wedding...

Edit - Actually, I know nothing about throwing a wedding, so I have no idea what a reasonable cost would be.

A lot of people in Manitoba have "socials" to pay for their weddings. That is, they rent out a hall or a community centre, book a DJ, serve a bunch of alcohol, and sometimes give away prizes. The hosts charge people to attend this event, and make additional cash off the sale of the alcohol and raffle tickets for the prizes. It's kind of amusing. You charge people to attend a party, just so you can throw another future party attended by pretty much the same group of people.

The Ukranians have a very practical tradition: presentation weddings. Rather than give a gift, you give the bride and groom some cash. Most people give enough to at least cover the cost of the dinner. If it's an open bar, then guests will likely give a donation that well exceeds the cost of the meal. This really alleviated the financial burden of my bros wedding. Him and his wife did not need a blender, plates, or some other crap. I was much happier to give them a chunk of cash and then pound the booze at the bar with a clear conscience.

I don't know how popular "presentation weddings" are in Ontario. I've been to a couple of weddings in which people born and raised in Ontario seemed stunned by the idea of giving cash. Makes sense to me.

Last edited by Bill Haverchuck; 08-23-2010 at 05:08 PM.
Bill Haverchuck is offline   Boss Key Wife Key Reply With Quote
Old 08-23-2010, 05:14 PM   #205 (permalink)
I believe in Masai!

giant steps

 
'trane's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 16,699
Representing:
Default

pissing match?
'trane is online now   Boss Key Wife Key Reply With Quote
Old 08-23-2010, 06:53 PM   #206 (permalink)
"Fake All-Star"

Senior Member
 
TORaptor4Ever's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 16,432
Representing:
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by ArmChairGM View Post
25K for a wedding...

Edit - Actually, I know nothing about throwing a wedding, so I have no idea what a reasonable cost would be.

A lot of people in Manitoba have "socials" to pay for their weddings. That is, they rent out a hall or a community centre, book a DJ, serve a bunch of alcohol, and sometimes give away prizes. The hosts charge people to attend this event, and make additional cash off the sale of the alcohol and raffle tickets for the prizes. It's kind of amusing. You charge people to attend a party, just so you can throw another future party attended by pretty much the same group of people.

The Ukranians have a very practical tradition: presentation weddings. Rather than give a gift, you give the bride and groom some cash. Most people give enough to at least cover the cost of the dinner. If it's an open bar, then guests will likely give a donation that well exceeds the cost of the meal. This really alleviated the financial burden of my bros wedding. Him and his wife did not need a blender, plates, or some other crap. I was much happier to give them a chunk of cash and then pound the booze at the bar with a clear conscience.

I don't know how popular "presentation weddings" are in Ontario. I've been to a couple of weddings in which people born and raised in Ontario seemed stunned by the idea of giving cash. Makes sense to me.
I've been to 3 weddings this summer and I gave cash at each one. Makes perfect sense to me. I can't see why anyone would want a cappucino maker over $100 that they could apply to whatever they wanted/needed.

I think that this practice is definitely more prevalent among europeans.... don't understand why North Americans can't or won't get behind it.
TORaptor4Ever is offline   Boss Key Wife Key Reply With Quote
Old 08-23-2010, 07:01 PM   #207 (permalink)
"Fake All-Star"

Senior Member
 
TORaptor4Ever's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 16,432
Representing:
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Barracuda View Post
Too true, and too often.

It's also sometimes hard to know whether a person is right for you or not, cuz all relationships take work. It's a matter of knowing how much work is TOO much, and if it's worth it.

And yeah... insanely expensive weddings make no sense to me. Especially for couples who aren't rich, and just blow their money for a one-day thing.
As a rule of thumb I'd like to think that if you spend more time fighting than NOT fighting, you're probably not meant for each other. Pretty amazing though how many couples out there stay together in spite of constant conflict. Not my cup of tea.

Another big thing is realizing when someone's looking for a slave rather than a partner. You shouldn't be looking to run your partner's life down to the finest detail.... nor should you feel the need to control their every move.
TORaptor4Ever is offline   Boss Key Wife Key Reply With Quote
Old 08-23-2010, 07:54 PM   #208 (permalink)
the fighter of the Nightman

Ch-Ch-Ch-Ch-Cherry Bomb
 
Barracuda's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Toronto
Posts: 7,962
Representing:
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by TORaptor4Ever View Post
As a rule of thumb I'd like to think that if you spend more time fighting than NOT fighting, you're probably not meant for each other. Pretty amazing though how many couples out there stay together in spite of constant conflict. Not my cup of tea.

Another big thing is realizing when someone's looking for a slave rather than a partner. You shouldn't be looking to run your partner's life down to the finest detail.... nor should you feel the need to control their every move.
Damn right, friend-o.
Barracuda is offline   Boss Key Wife Key Reply With Quote
Old 08-23-2010, 08:00 PM   #209 (permalink)
the next dictator of MLSE

fresh and clean
 
Windex's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: uʍop ɹǝpun
Posts: 22,524
Representing:
Default

I havent been to a wedding for 10 years
Windex is offline   Boss Key Wife Key Reply With Quote
Old 08-23-2010, 08:45 PM   #210 (permalink)
a baller

Senior Member
 
bjjs's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 7,734
Representing:
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by TORaptor4Ever View Post
the best of which was the suggestion that everyone should just try to be patient enough to make SURE that they find a person who's right for them.... rather than simply finding someone so that they're "not alone".

Too many people bow to societal pressure and get themselves into situations that aren't really right for them.... IMO anyway.
That sounds like a suggestion by somebody who is still looking for their "one true love".

Not a realistic view imo.

First, you have to give people the benefit of the doubt imo, if they're getting married, they must THINK that person is the right person for them.

Maybe it's for the wrong reasons, but why else would they be doing it unless they thought it was the right choice. People don't intentionally make poor decisions. The fact of the matter is everybody changes. What was the right choice or felt like the right choice at one time doesn't always turn out to be a good relationship.

Their is no SURE thing. Their aren't soulmates out there, crafted perfectly for each and everyone of us to seek out and marry.
bjjs is online now   Boss Key Wife Key Reply With Quote
Old 08-23-2010, 09:36 PM   #211 (permalink)
blah!

nosce te ipsum


 
fancylad's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: east side.
Posts: 14,623
Representing:
Default

you know what's funny? I am going to a wedding in Rhode Island soon. I have a feeling the budget is either close to $25,000 or more.
fancylad is offline   Boss Key Wife Key Reply With Quote
Old 08-23-2010, 09:48 PM   #212 (permalink)
the fighter of the Nightman

Ch-Ch-Ch-Ch-Cherry Bomb
 
Barracuda's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Toronto
Posts: 7,962
Representing:
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by bjjs View Post
That sounds like a suggestion by somebody who is still looking for their "one true love".

Not a realistic view imo.

First, you have to give people the benefit of the doubt imo, if they're getting married, they must THINK that person is the right person for them.

Maybe it's for the wrong reasons, but why else would they be doing it unless they thought it was the right choice. People don't intentionally make poor decisions. The fact of the matter is everybody changes. What was the right choice or felt like the right choice at one time doesn't always turn out to be a good relationship.

Their is no SURE thing. Their aren't soulmates out there, crafted perfectly for each and everyone of us to seek out and marry.
Nah, he didn't say looking for "The One". He said people should make sure they find "someone who is right for them." Those are different things.

And you're right, people do change. Not much you can do about that... But it's still about finding a good match and being happy. Working on a good relationship because you really love someone. That's all
Barracuda is offline   Boss Key Wife Key Reply With Quote
Old 08-23-2010, 10:49 PM   #213 (permalink)
a baller

Senior Member
 
bjjs's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 7,734
Representing:
Default

But how can you "make sure"? How is that possible. There is always the risk it might not be a sure thing.
bjjs is online now   Boss Key Wife Key Reply With Quote
Old 08-23-2010, 11:04 PM   #214 (permalink)
........

Senior Member
 
MrClutch's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Parts Unknown
Posts: 2,381
Representing:
Default

ive always wanted to ask this question, between the bride and the groom who pays for the wedding and why?
MrClutch is offline   Boss Key Wife Key Reply With Quote
Old 08-23-2010, 11:06 PM   #215 (permalink)
a baller

Senior Member
 
bjjs's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 7,734
Representing:
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by mrdependent View Post
ive always wanted to ask this question, between the bride and the groom who pays for the wedding and why?
The bride's father because woman are a liability and cost tens of thousands of dollars a year in upkeep.
bjjs is online now   Boss Key Wife Key Reply With Quote
Old 08-23-2010, 11:07 PM   #216 (permalink)
a paranoid android

My name is Iņigo Montoya

 
Belsius's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Madrid, Spain
Posts: 10,546
Representing:
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by bjjs View Post
But how can you "make sure"? How is that possible. There is always the risk it might not be a sure thing.
isnt not being sure part of the fun?
Belsius is offline   Boss Key Wife Key Reply With Quote
Old 08-23-2010, 11:39 PM   #217 (permalink)
Truth

Member
 
Cory's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Posts: 257
Representing:
Default

Quote:
ive always wanted to ask this question, between the bride and the groom who pays for the wedding and why?
To state it more elaborately:

In earlier times, tradition was that the family of the bride pays for the wedding to make the prospect of marriage appealing for the male, and the wedding ring was a heirloom. The reason for this bias toward the man was because the man was the one going out to work the tough, messy jobs of his culture, basically taking care of his soon to be wife almost like one would take care of a pet. The role of woman back then was relatively one of domestication and passivity. She had needs and desires that had to be satiated, and the man went out busting his back to please her. Imagine back then a man spending huge sums of money on a wedding for a woman who might not show up at the altar or who ends up cheating on him? Not very appealing prospect, and so the families of a young woman tried to appeal to potential male suitors by financing a wedding, putting onus and feelings of honor on the woman, and making it fair to men.

The man's self interest then was partly in impressing the parents, and this is where chivalry comes from. Chivalry actually doesn't impress women that much (in spite of what they say), as that is not it's traditional or even pragmatic use.

The man had to make himself seem worthy to the parents of the girl he was interested in, so being chivalrous was his ticket to getting approval from (and with that, a wedding financed by) the bride's side of the family.

In the present age, I'm not sure what the figures are - but things are definitely out of whack. Women are proud to assert their self sufficiency and independence, so this new kind of logic partly undermines how long term contracts were traditionally approached. I think the bride's side of the family still pays a lot in many causes, because daddy wants to treat her precious daughter with something special, but I'm sure there are more and more instances where the man, in a misguidedly chivalrous spirit, tries to prove his love to his fiancee by listening to her dreams of a beautiful wedding, and contributing to the budget, spending extravagantly to please her. She may point to different things in different catalogs in that charming child like way, and once she starts to learn that he will satisfy her whims (to some degree), both of them have run up problematic debt financing the wedding. If the man's pockets were deeper, he took most of the hit. And since he was so chivalrous with providing an expensive wedding (being a beta pushover) the relationship likely will not last long. She might leave him, or cheat, and then guess what? You just spend 10-20k (not counting the ring she picked out!) on a woman who dumped you. ouch.

Tough way to learn.
Cory is offline   Boss Key Wife Key Reply With Quote
Old 08-23-2010, 11:46 PM   #218 (permalink)
the fighter of the Nightman

Ch-Ch-Ch-Ch-Cherry Bomb
 
Barracuda's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Toronto
Posts: 7,962
Representing:
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by bjjs View Post
But how can you "make sure"? How is that possible. There is always the risk it might not be a sure thing.
Well yeah, that's what I said. You can't be sure. But you can trust your own instincts, can't you? Don't you kinda have to? Or you're screwed... like the people who know they're in the wrong relationship, or the wrong job... but they stick with it anyway.

It's tough. No matter what. There's a fine line between working hard for something good and beating a dead fuckin' horse. And frankly, we're all kinda stupid sometimes and stick with something we shouldn't or let something go and regret it. Screw that.
Barracuda is offline   Boss Key Wife Key Reply With Quote
Old 08-23-2010, 11:48 PM   #219 (permalink)
the fighter of the Nightman

Ch-Ch-Ch-Ch-Cherry Bomb
 
Barracuda's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Toronto
Posts: 7,962
Representing:
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by bjjs View Post
The bride's father because woman are a liability and cost tens of thousands of dollars a year in upkeep.
If you truly believe that, I'd hate to meet the women you date!
Barracuda is offline   Boss Key Wife Key Reply With Quote
Old 08-24-2010, 12:01 AM   #220 (permalink)
a paranoid android

My name is Iņigo Montoya

 
Belsius's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Madrid, Spain
Posts: 10,546
Representing:
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Cory View Post
To state it more elaborately:

In earlier times, tradition was that the family of the bride pays for the wedding to make the prospect of marriage appealing for the male, and the wedding ring was a heirloom. The reason for this bias toward the man was because the man was the one going out to work the tough, messy jobs of his culture, basically taking care of his soon to be wife almost like one would take care of a pet. The role of woman back then was relatively one of domestication and passivity. She had needs and desires that had to be satiated, and the man went out busting his back to please her. Imagine back then a man spending huge sums of money on a wedding for a woman who might not show up at the altar or who ends up cheating on him? Not very appealing prospect, and so the families of a young woman tried to appeal to potential male suitors by financing a wedding, putting onus and feelings of honor on the woman, and making it fair to men.

The man's self interest then was partly in impressing the parents, and this is where chivalry comes from. Chivalry actually doesn't impress women that much (in spite of what they say), as that is not it's traditional or even pragmatic use.

The man had to make himself seem worthy to the parents of the girl he was interested in, so being chivalrous was his ticket to getting approval from (and with that, a wedding financed by) the bride's side of the family.

In the present age, I'm not sure what the figures are - but things are definitely out of whack. Women are proud to assert their self sufficiency and independence, so this new kind of logic partly undermines how long term contracts were traditionally approached. I think the bride's side of the family still pays a lot in many causes, because daddy wants to treat her precious daughter with something special, but I'm sure there are more and more instances where the man, in a misguidedly chivalrous spirit, tries to prove his love to his fiancee by listening to her dreams of a beautiful wedding, and contributing to the budget, spending extravagantly to please her. She may point to different things in different catalogs in that charming child like way, and once she starts to learn that he will satisfy her whims (to some degree), both of them have run up problematic debt financing the wedding. If the man's pockets were deeper, he took most of the hit. And since he was so chivalrous with providing an expensive wedding (being a beta pushover) the relationship likely will not last long. She might leave him, or cheat, and then guess what? You just spend 10-20k (not counting the ring she picked out!) on a woman who dumped you. ouch.

Tough way to learn.
you were abandoned in the altar werent you?
Belsius is offline   Boss Key Wife Key Reply With Quote
Reply


Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 11:56 PM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.7.1
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Copyright RaptorsForum.com 2005-2011

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24