Jay: Laugh now, but thank us later
Old 04-17-2008, 12:11 PM   #1 (permalink)
convinced that Raptors fans are only happy when they're unhappy.

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In my last post, I said that I would offer some pointers on how to create a happy pro-basketball household throughout the playoffs. Sure, you roll your eyes now, but wait until you’re sitting on the edge of your seat in game three, cold MGD in hand and the girlfriend/wife walks by and gives you one of those sighs/looks that suggests trouble is about to get brewing. You don’t even want to get near that situation, because even a miraculous attempt to smooth things over could result in a significant amount of QGTL (Quality Game Time Lost).

In order to calculate the amount of QGTL, you have to factor in the following variables: Game Number; Series Score; Game Score; Time Situation in Game (clock, timeout, commercial) Eye Contact Required with Significant Other (this variable has a sub-equation that can be arrived at by using factors such as Level of Voice, Posture, Facial Expression, What You May Have Done Recently, etc.); Actual Active Listening Required; Speaking Required on Your Part…needless to say, it is a complex equation that I don’t have enough time to explain, but you get the idea.

So to avoid dealing with QGTL, here are some things that you can do before the weekend arrives and the Raptors playoff season starts.

1. Say it with me - Spa Day. Sure, this will only work for one game, but if you do it right off the start, on the weekend, it will probably give you about a week’s grace for playoff basketball watching. Pretend you’re listening to anything she says about the day and then throw in a “So next time, would you want to go there again or try somewhere else?” This will a) make her think you give a damn; b) make her think you are actually going to do this again.

2. Chores. Get her to write a list of things she wants you to do on the weekend and get them all done by Saturday. If you have to take some of Friday off to complete the tasks at hand, do so. It’s the playoffs. It goes a long way.

3. Suggest a girls night out with her friends. House is empty, which means you can actually hear the tv and don’t have to answer a million questions if she decides to watch with you.

4. Buy her something. Anything. If there’s one thing women love more than talking about themselves, it is having shit bought for them. You can be the most progressive woman in the world, but you have to admit, a guy buys you something and it gets him a few bonus points.

I could go on, but you get the point. For the guys with girlfriends, this may not be as important to you, because you always have that option of stating the obvious - “Listen, if it comes down to watching this game or listening to you complain about shit, guess who’s winning?” Follow that up with a “You don’t have to go home, but you have to get the hell outta here” and you’re set. Bring on the playoffs. If you are one of those guys who says, “Oh, my girl likes to watch the games with me,” well then, good for you. But watch your back, because if you screw up on ANYTHING, she will use the companionship during ball as a weapon against you. You’re better off alone.

Alright, enjoy the playoffs.
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Old 04-17-2008, 01:29 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Good stuff.

My girlfriend gave up tring to talk to me during games because I don't listen anyways.
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Old 04-17-2008, 01:30 PM   #3 (permalink)
convinced that Raptors fans are only happy when they're unhappy.

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Yeah, I can't get my wife into hoops at all. I've tried, but the only sport she will tolerate watching is Sens hockey mostly because she's got a huge crush in Chris Neil.
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Old 04-17-2008, 01:37 PM   #4 (permalink)
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She'll watch about half of the first quarter with me, but then she goes upstairs to watch TV. The funny thing is I can hear the TV upstairs occasionally go to the game and she knows all the player's names.

That's Humphries right? He's first name is Kris. lol
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Old 04-17-2008, 02:08 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Having 3 boys is great..... and now that they are just starting to get into sports.... my wife is screwed forever because it's gonna be all-sports all the time!!!
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Old 04-17-2008, 07:57 PM   #6 (permalink)
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there's nothing that pisses my wife off more, is that when we go out people constantly harass her about being a hoops star because she's 6'5". her bro played at rhode island and professionally in paris for years, so its kind of in the family. so you'd think she'd be into a game. negative.
Jay's kind of right about strategically watching to use for artillery down the road. haha
She did ball in high school and set the regional record for most fouls in a season. She often laments that she could make some extra cash showing the raps guys how to take someone out.
come to think of it, she's quite into the games. maybe this disinterest is a front...hmmm

great read jay
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Old 04-17-2008, 09:15 PM   #7 (permalink)
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funny stuff
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Old 04-17-2008, 09:52 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Nice post Jay.

Thankfully, luckily, and fortunately, my girlfriend is as big of a raps fan than I am. Guess I picked a good one
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Old 04-17-2008, 10:16 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ClingRap View Post
there's nothing that pisses my wife off more, is that when we go out people constantly harass her about being a hoops star because she's 6'5".
Your wife is 6'5? Holy shit .... are you the same height or taller Cling?
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Old 04-18-2008, 09:17 PM   #10 (permalink)
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same height. one our first date she wore heals and was pushing 6'7". people tend to make a spectacle out of her, as I might be doing now. ...
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Old 04-18-2008, 10:22 PM   #11 (permalink)
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I should have drank more milk when I was a kid. You guys are giants.
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Old 04-18-2008, 10:40 PM   #12 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lang View Post
I should have drank more milk when I was a kid. You guys are giants.



5'10
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Old 04-18-2008, 10:49 PM   #13 (permalink)
landry fields forever

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7'1"
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Old 04-18-2008, 10:52 PM   #14 (permalink)
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4'9"..
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Old 04-19-2008, 12:17 AM   #15 (permalink)
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I'm not tall, but I'm hung like a chipmunk .... I'm all nuts.
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Old 04-19-2008, 12:18 AM   #16 (permalink)
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I heard you were hung like an uncooked grain of rice.
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Old 04-19-2008, 09:26 AM   #17 (permalink)
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Eh-hem..... 7'5"

alrite maybe like a foot and a half shorter...

ACIE ur serousley 7'1" or jk
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Old 04-20-2008, 01:45 AM   #18 (permalink)
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damn you tall lanky bastards lol

that was a good read , laughedmy ass off
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Old 04-20-2008, 09:18 AM   #19 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Major View Post
Eh-hem..... 7'5"

alrite maybe like a foot and a half shorter...

ACIE ur serousley 7'1" or jk

jk

6'2
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