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Old 04-05-2012, 06:17 PM   #1 (permalink)
TORaptor4Ever
"Fake All-Star"

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Join Date: Dec 2007
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Default Funny Facebook statuses...

Not on FB much any more but if I was I'd probably use some of these for kicks lol....



1) Don’t be that GUY that posts inspirational thoughts on Facebook.

2) Men are like wine, we get better with age. Women are like milk, they got rotten with age.

3) If there is a car accident between a man and a woman, whose false is that ?
A: it's the man false, he's not suppose to drive in the kitchen

4) Good grades, enough sleep, a social life… you can pick two.

5) Hopefully one day your life will be as cool as you make it appear on Facebook.

6) It genuinely upsets me when someone doesn’t use Google.

7) Nothing says “I suck at technology” more than a sideways profile picture.

8) Be a Stalker today: Go to someone’s Facebook profile, scroll down 6 months, and “LIKE” something.

9) My new voicemail: “If you have reached this recording, please hang up and text me.”

10) The worst thing ever = that moment during an argument when you realize you’re wrong.

11) The naked truth, is always better than someone’s best dressed lie.

12) I hardly know you…. but, Facebook says it’s your birthday, so happy birthday!

13) whenever I open my fridge, my dog looks at me with a puzzled look and he thinks, “why don’t you eat all the food?”

14) avoid arguments with your girlfriend about the toilet seat…use the sink.

15) Be happy in front of people who don’t like you, it kills them.

16) Laughing is the best medicine. But laughing for no reason, you need medicine.

17) I asked my trainer which machine at the gym I should use to impress beautiful women…he pointed outside & said “The ATM machine”

18) Life is like Tetris… sometimes good things fall apart, so better things can come together.

19) Video game logic: Everyone worse than me is a noob. Everyone better than me has no life.

20) You always say you'll get over me, and you end up under me.
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